Misadventures in the Wired

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Year 1.

Are you there?

"Coffee time? yes? awesome, see you at 5!"

I wish I could say this in person, I wish I could go there and grab Deathscythe and just drive. Every Sunday afternoon was ours, every weekend (except for when I was traveling or had weird curfews, you know Dad, always paranoid about the streets). Same place, the bakery/cafe at the mall, seeing the emo wannabe children pass by. Seeing the ladies look at us in disapproval as they thought we were thugs sometimes.

We were loud, we were carefree, we were always there for each other, we were always talking about everything and nothing. Brothers of metal, forever and beyond!

Are you there? Is it wonderful to know?

I’m sorry I had not been there all this time I have been away, sorry I got lost in myself within myself. I could only follow your life through facebook and photos. through disperse messages on the phone. But I always loved you my friend, always out of sight, but never out of mind. 

I miss you, I miss all of you guys, I miss the carelessness of it all, I miss how outside and despite our everyday we always made time for Sunday afternoons, our Coffee Time (Cafecito time). 

All my ghosts…All my ghosts…

There are people that say that I shouldn’t write you anymore (“let him go” they say) but no, I think I should. See, in my head this makes sense, me writing to you every month makes sense. Although it may seem like a one way conversation, I think you read this somehow and know what I’m writing. You know I believe in such things. And I know that every month you sit there laughing at me playfully saying “Don’t be sad, I’m ok really…don’t be silly. Let’s party! Let’s get coffee, let’s get some rum and things!”

I know wherever you are, also Laika is with you, that she is taking care of you too. My other best friend doing what she did best. I miss you both, specially those days when I’m blue and I need a hug or something to make me laugh. Take care of her, she is fragile sometimes, but she loves you. She always did.

Always out of sight but never out of mind. 

I’m working hard, but I’m happy. Wish I could have brought you over, check my place, let you guys invade me, explore, play, reclaim the time that had been on pause. 

I wish for many things don’t I? 

Time was in pause for me, in my head it would go forward when I would go home and visit, where we would talk as if I had never left. Like we all do, like us brothers of metal do. 

Time was on pause. But a year ago it was fast forwarded by force, all these years away suddenly came to me, how long…how long had passed.

This is difficult for me, because I was not there, I couldn’t go to your funeral, I couldn’t go to the hospital to see the others, I couldn’t help Manu with everything. I was not there when he needed me the most, I could only give him a virtual hug and just listen…just listen. 

Listen in horror and sadness. I could only listen…

It is also hard for me since I cannot go to your resting place, for now. I cannot go there often or hug the other brothers of metal. I can for now talk to them sporadically and see their lives through facebook or twitter or other means. The virtual communication has somewhat helped. I cannot for now go to your resting place and have a drink in your name. 

I can only say a prayer and light a candle in your name. 

I read recently in a book that time is round, I believe it so.

You and the brothers of metal were there for me during the lowest points of my life, lifted me up and made me live again. You helped see life as I once saw it, you helped me keep seeing it that way. For that I thank you, I will always thank you for your kindness and happiness, for showing me how happy one person can be even in adversity, I will never forget it. 

Time is round, lighting a candle for you today. 

As I write these words I cry, because it is all I can do, cry and live through the day knowing what day it is today. 

I cry for all the things I cannot share with you in person, for all those moments I missed. For all the conversation we never had. 

I cry because I don’t deal with this well, I don’t deal with emotions well in general, you know that. 

In my head I have this song for you…

Guardian Angel-Angelzoom

I send a request to your heart
My hope is gone it tears my dreams apart
I lay my head now down to sleep
The time is now to find out what I need

I loose my way, I journey far
On roads of heaven fills with love

My guardian angels preach to my heart
Follow the moonbeam and the spark

Another time
Another place
A better time to make it something true
Another life
Another love
I wish my dreams come true, what can I do

I loose my way, I journey far
On roads of heaven fills with love

My guardian angels preach to my heart
Follow the moonbeam and the spark

I believe you are our guardian angel right now, and I hope you don’t mind me saying you are. 

I will end my letter with a sad smile and this song in my head. 

I will always talk to you in my dreams and letters, I will always remember your smile. 

I will always remember it and cherish it, to get me through the day. 

I love you Karlangas, as I love my brothers of metal. I hope that you knew and never forgot it. I hope that even though I was away you knew I loved you and cared for you. 

Because I never got the chance to tell you, to tell you for real. I never got the chance for many things. 

Take care and enjoy your day my friend. 

Time is round. 

Love you Charlie, Good night. 

-Nad J